Yes, I Suffer from Cupidity

I’ve been in a relationship with Gerald for the past two years and 3 months (almost), but I have to tell you–I suffer from Cupidity. What’s Cupidity? It’s stupid love. It’s actually a real word that means “eager or excessive desire esp. to possess something; greed.” I think that actual definition still applies to the word in terms of relationships. There’s a picture of Gerald and me on the left, but ignore the creeper in the green shirt. Now back to cupidity.

Greed is selfish. It motivates us to do things–sometimes stupid things–just to get what we want. In relationships, most (if not all) of the problems come when we are thinking of ourselves first–being selfish. When we so desire love from another person, sometimes we may act stupidly just so we can have that relationship with the other person or what we think is love.

Months ago, I was asked to read an early version of Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them by Hayley and Michael DiMarco. One of the editors here at Tyndale wanted the opinions of some of the people in the target age group for this book and I fit right in.

As I read through the manuscript, I had so many “ah-ha!” moments, some “Gerald does that exact thing. He needs to read this book” moments, and plenty of “Wow, I do this” moments. For disclosure, I will mention that I am working on publicity for this book as part of my job at Tyndale, but I’m writing this review because I truly believe that this message needs to be heard.

Michael and Hayley go through several types of Cupidity through the book:

  • Emotional acts of Cupidity
  • Mental (gender-specific) acts of Cupidity
  • Physical acts of Cupidity
  • Social acts of Cupidity
  • Spiritual acts of Cupidity

Let me just give a few examples of how this book has pointed out acts of Cupidity in my own life. One chapter is called “Failing to Notice Him.” I’d been told that men feel loved by feeling respected, but this chapter really helped to drive that point home. I know I don’t always tell Gerald that I appreciate or notice the things he does–and being who he is, he’ll let me know that. This can lead to petty arguments since sometimes I think I act more like a guy and want to fix problems or offer up solutions. But anyway, the DiMarcos stress the importance of telling your man simple words to make him happy like, “You are so strong. I love your big hands and your strong back.” or “You’re so good with cars, computers, providing, etc.” They reminded me that as women, we need to stop projecting our desires and needs onto the men we love. They aren’t women.

Hayley and Michael even give suggestions of seven ways to admire a man:

  1. Tell him how well he did at taking care of something around the house
  2. Compliment his abilities in front of his friends (I think this is a BIG one)
  3. Remind him how safe he makes you feel when you are out together
  4. Thank him every time he does something for you
  5. If he corrects you, don’t argue to prove yourself right. Just say, “Thank you so much for caring.” (I need to remind myself of this one!)
  6. When he has a win in his life, congratulate him
  7. Never make fun of his masculine tendencies–appreciate them

Now there are other acts of Cupidity that I was enlighted to as I read this book, like having friends of the opposite sex, playing God (I think I do this without realizing it), not accepting his “kills,” becoming too comfortable with each other, etc. You get the idea.

So whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, I think everyone–women and men–will glean something from this book. I think its only problem is that the book doesn’t look very masculine, so I doubt many guys would pick it up. It’s pink and red, and even the font inside is red. This is why I gave a copy to Gerald and his housemates (3 other guys) when they moved in this past weekend. Hopefully they actually read it because it’s so practical and helpful! Hayley and Michael write in a conversational style and lay it all out there. They’ve made their share of mistakes and they’re helping us to not make the same ones.

I think everyone, especially people around my age–and even my high school teens in youth group, should read this book to help change the way a relationship now is going or to prevent relationship heartache in the future.

So I’m going to give away two copies in a random drawing on this blog. To enter, glance over the table of contents here (you can read the entire first chapter too) and post which act of Cupidity you need or want to read about and why. I’ll randomly draw a winner on February 1 so you’ll have the book in time for Valentine’s Day.

Which act of Cupidity do you need or want to read about? Why?

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  1. #1 by Angela Rose on January 15, 2010 - 5:00 pm

    ahahah i was thinking "why would you put up a picture of you and gerald AND pearson?" but i like how you refer to him as the "creeper in the green shirt"i want to read the book!

  2. #2 by PipeDreams on January 15, 2010 - 5:09 pm

    haha good post. i'm reading like chapter a day-ish! It really is eye-opening!

  3. #3 by Michael DiMarco on January 15, 2010 - 6:01 pm

    Christy, thanks for the review and glad the book is doing some good.As for the red interior, it's very manly when you consider it was printed in the authors' BLOOD.-M.

  4. #4 by Christy on January 15, 2010 - 6:09 pm

    Thanks, Michael! True, red in that case is very manly. By the way, have you gotten my emails?

  5. #5 by Amy on January 15, 2010 - 9:50 pm

    The real question is–is the creeper in the green shirt single? 🙂

  6. #6 by Erin on January 15, 2010 - 9:53 pm

    I want to read more about "Failing to Notice Him." This looks fabulous! Would love to win!

  7. #7 by Mark on January 15, 2010 - 10:02 pm

    I want to read "refusing to grow up"- afraid it might apply to me :-0marcus802001(at)yahoo(dot)com

  8. #8 by Eleanore on January 15, 2010 - 11:01 pm

    I would like to read "Believing romance equals love" becaue teens nowadays base their relationships on short-term feelings rather than commitment and get their heart borken in the process.

  9. #9 by Kate on January 16, 2010 - 3:05 pm

    Hi Christy! Thanks for posting on my blog. I do remember you from Taylor, but it helped to see your photo. I will definitely go back and check out the Tyndale blog review program in a few months and see what new books you have up. Thanks for letting me know about that! Small world too with your connection to Katie – very cool. 🙂 Thanks for saying hi!

  10. #10 by Christy on January 16, 2010 - 5:36 pm

    Amy, hahahaha yes, the creeper in the green shirt is single!! And he's not really that much of a creeper 😉

  11. #11 by everestliu on January 20, 2010 - 3:54 pm

    Hey christy :Di'd say section 4 ch 32 on having friends of the opposite gender cuz in the chinese american church culture, guys and girls don't really hang out one on one, but at the bible college here, predominatly white, they do and it's not an issue [:

  12. #12 by Renee Johnson on January 20, 2010 - 4:27 pm

    Wow now I am even MORE excited to read this book!!! Seriously, as a single woman I suffer from it too and I can't wait to get the remedy. I've heard so many amazing things about the authors of this book from close personal friends as well. And…I think the creeper in the green shirt MAKES the picture Christy 🙂 teehee

  13. #13 by Jessica on January 20, 2010 - 5:29 pm

    i wanna win a copy of cupidityyyy! xoxo.

  14. #14 by Michelle on January 20, 2010 - 9:52 pm

    I think I need to read Physical Acts of Cupidity. Because I know that my husband really likes it if I take a few moments to give him a neck massage or to give him a kiss. I think that is one of his "love languages." So, enter me for a chance, please! 🙂

  15. #15 by SuperMom on January 20, 2010 - 10:14 pm

    Fear the Silence.. I hate when my hubby doesn't talk. PERIOD. There could really be nothing to say but I hate the silence. I think that it means he's made at me…?My mind makes up all the things he is thinking, and my mind runs with it… it's crazy!My hubby and I always work with married couple and teens, this would be great to have read so I can suggest it to others!thanks for entering me!ladyverlina AT yahoo DOT com

  16. #16 by Michael DiMarco on January 21, 2010 - 4:01 pm

    @SuperMom – "Fear the Silence" addresses exactly what you're talking about. One of Hayley's most enlightening moments of 'de-cupidifying' our relationship!-M.

  17. #17 by jayemarie on January 22, 2010 - 5:13 am

    Christy- this book looks great. I am really interested in reading the whole section on the mental acts of cupidity. I'm a huge planner and sometimes I hate to admit, it manifests itself in taking charge or situations when sometimes I should just sit back. This book sounds great because it sounds like there are applications in life beyond dating/marriage too. PICK ME! PICK ME 🙂

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