I’ve been in a relationship with Gerald for the past two years and 3 months (almost), but I have to tell you–I suffer from Cupidity. What’s Cupidity? It’s stupid love. It’s actually a real word that means “eager or excessive desire esp. to possess something; greed.” I think that actual definition still applies to the word in terms of relationships. There’s a picture of Gerald and me on the left, but ignore the creeper in the green shirt. Now back to cupidity.
Greed is selfish. It motivates us to do things–sometimes stupid things–just to get what we want. In relationships, most (if not all) of the problems come when we are thinking of ourselves first–being selfish. When we so desire love from another person, sometimes we may act stupidly just so we can have that relationship with the other person or what we think is love.
Months ago, I was asked to read an early version of Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them by Hayley and Michael DiMarco. One of the editors here at Tyndale wanted the opinions of some of the people in the target age group for this book and I fit right in.
As I read through the manuscript, I had so many “ah-ha!” moments, some “Gerald does that exact thing. He needs to read this book” moments, and plenty of “Wow, I do this” moments. For disclosure, I will mention that I am working on publicity for this book as part of my job at Tyndale, but I’m writing this review because I truly believe that this message needs to be heard.
Michael and Hayley go through several types of Cupidity through the book:
- Emotional acts of Cupidity
- Mental (gender-specific) acts of Cupidity
- Physical acts of Cupidity
- Social acts of Cupidity
- Spiritual acts of Cupidity
Let me just give a few examples of how this book has pointed out acts of Cupidity in my own life. One chapter is called “Failing to Notice Him.” I’d been told that men feel loved by feeling respected, but this chapter really helped to drive that point home. I know I don’t always tell Gerald that I appreciate or notice the things he does–and being who he is, he’ll let me know that. This can lead to petty arguments since sometimes I think I act more like a guy and want to fix problems or offer up solutions. But anyway, the DiMarcos stress the importance of telling your man simple words to make him happy like, “You are so strong. I love your big hands and your strong back.” or “You’re so good with cars, computers, providing, etc.” They reminded me that as women, we need to stop projecting our desires and needs onto the men we love. They aren’t women.
Hayley and Michael even give suggestions of seven ways to admire a man:
- Tell him how well he did at taking care of something around the house
- Compliment his abilities in front of his friends (I think this is a BIG one)
- Remind him how safe he makes you feel when you are out together
- Thank him every time he does something for you
- If he corrects you, don’t argue to prove yourself right. Just say, “Thank you so much for caring.” (I need to remind myself of this one!)
- When he has a win in his life, congratulate him
- Never make fun of his masculine tendencies–appreciate them
Now there are other acts of Cupidity that I was enlighted to as I read this book, like having friends of the opposite sex, playing God (I think I do this without realizing it), not accepting his “kills,” becoming too comfortable with each other, etc. You get the idea.
So whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, I think everyone–women and men–will glean something from this book. I think its only problem is that the book doesn’t look very masculine, so I doubt many guys would pick it up. It’s pink and red, and even the font inside is red. This is why I gave a copy to Gerald and his housemates (3 other guys) when they moved in this past weekend. Hopefully they actually read it because it’s so practical and helpful! Hayley and Michael write in a conversational style and lay it all out there. They’ve made their share of mistakes and they’re helping us to not make the same ones.
I think everyone, especially people around my age–and even my high school teens in youth group, should read this book to help change the way a relationship now is going or to prevent relationship heartache in the future.
So I’m going to give away two copies in a random drawing on this blog. To enter, glance over the table of contents here (you can read the entire first chapter too) and post which act of Cupidity you need or want to read about and why. I’ll randomly draw a winner on February 1 so you’ll have the book in time for Valentine’s Day.
Which act of Cupidity do you need or want to read about? Why?